Horse Jokes 2


Thought we write a few horse jokes to make your day and put a smile on your face, as there is so much negative news lately.

Feel free to share the post with family and friends and tell us what joke was hilarious for you.

Hope you enjoy the jokes.

Number 1 – Amish Guy

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A: A mechanic

Number 2 – Bar

A horse limps into a bar one day. He’s got a bandage around his head and looks really ill.

He orders a glass of the most expensive champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness.

When the bartender serves them to him, he quickly downs them all.

Then he says, “You know, I shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got…”

The bartender asks, “Why, what have you got?”

The horse replies, “About 2 dollars and a carrot.”

Number 3 – Race

An inflatable jockey was riding an inflatable horse for an inflatable trainer and an inflatable owner. It was his first time over the jumps.

After the last fence he was leading easily but he pulled up way too early allowing two other horses to pass him.

After the race the jockey was so mad with what he’d done, that he stuck a pin in the horse, then he stuck a pin in the trainer and then the owner.

Because of this he was called in front of the Stewards.

When he was facing them, he stuck a pin in himself.

The Stewards said to him, “You’re a disgrace. Not only did you let the horse, the trainer and the owner down, you have let yourself down too.”

Number 4 – Sport

Q: What’s a horse’s favorite sport?

A: Stable Tennis.

Number 5 – Offer

A guy was driving past a farm one day when he noticed a beautiful horse stood in one of the fields.

Hoping to buy the horse, the guy stopped and offered the farmer $500 for it.

The farmer said, “Sorry, he’s not for sale. He doesn’t look too good.”

The guy said, “He looks just fine. Tell you what, I’ll give you $1,000 for him.”

The farmer again said, “Sorry, he’s not for sale. He doesn’t look too good.”

The guy now really wanted the horse and so increased his offer to $1,500.

The farmer said, “Well, he doesn’t look so good but if you want him that much he’s yours.”

So the guy bought the horse and took him home.

The next day he returned to the farm, hopping mad. He shouted at the farmer, “Hey, you cheated me! You sold me a blind horse!”

The farmer calmly said, “I told you he didn’t look too good, didn’t I?”

Number 6 – Desperado

A Desperado rides into town and downs a few drinks at the saloon. When he steps outside again, he finds his horse has been stolen. The Desperado swears, steps back into the bar, and fires a round into the piano. The room goes dead silent. “I’m gonna have one more beer,” the Desperado bellows to the terrified crowd, “and if my horse ain’t back where I left him when I’m done, I’ll do here what I had to do in Houston.”

The locals murmur uneasily as the Desperado sips his drink. Lucky for them all, when he steps outside again his horse has been returned. As the Desperado saddles up, a local can’t help but ask, “Sir, what exactly was it you had to do in Houston?”

The Desperado narrows his eyes and hisses at the man, “I had to walk home.”

Number 7 – Other Kind Of Horse

Q: What’s black and white and eats like a horse?

A: A Zebra.

Number 8 – Talking Horse

A guy is walking through the country when he spots a sign that reads, “Talking Horse for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks up to the stable to check it out.

“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the horse.

“I’ve led a full life,” the horse answers miraculously. “I was born in The Andes where I herded for an entire village. Years later, I joined the mounted police force in New York and helped keep the city clean. And now, I spend my days giving free rides to underprivileged kids here in the country.”

The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the horse’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of such an incredible animal?”

The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”

Number 9 – Friday

Q: How did the cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay for three days, and ride out on Friday?

A: His horse’s name was Friday!

Number 10 – Street

Q: What street do horses live on?

A: Mane St.

Number 11 – Bedtime

Q: What did the momma say to the foal?

A: Its pasture your bedtime

Number  12 – Sick Foal

Q: How do you know when a foal is sick?


Number 13 – Favorite State

Q: What is a horses favorite state?

A: Neighbraska.

Number 14 – Drunk Horse

Q: How do you get a horse drunk?

A: Drink him under the stable.

Number 15 – Favorite Song

Q: What is a horses favorite song?

A: Watch Me (Whip / Neigh Neigh)

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